Has anyone here experienced their svarupa? -

When I went to Vrndavana I experienced little pieces of ecstacy here and there. I don't want to be specific but basically even though I am fallen I acted in manjari-bhava at times and I am wondering did anybody else in here experience anything else like this? I did not even realise this had happened until later when I left Vrndavana and thought about the things that had happened to me. The things I did were definately real and not planned at all. If I get too specific and someone was there at the time I might get recognised so I don't want to get into details right now about myself but I would love to hear about the experiences of other devotees.

Apana bhajana kathA, na kohibo jathA tathA
ihAte hoibo sAvadhAna |
nA koriho keho roSa, nA loiho keho doSa,
praNamahu bhaktera caraNa ||

Why?

premA dvayo rasikayor ayi dIpa eva
hRd-veSma bhAsayati nizcalam eva bhAti |
dvArAd ayaM vadanatas tu bahiSkRtaz cen
nirvAti zIghram athavA laghutAm upaiti ||

gopanIyaM prayatnena
yathA ratna-karaNDakam |
kasyacin naiva vaktavyaM
kula-strI-surataM yathA ||

(Hatha-yoga-pradipika 2.9)

With great effort, keep all these devotional emotions
hidden like a chest of precious stones.
Do not talk about them to anyone,
just as a high-class lady would not talk about
her intimate amorous experience to others.

Jaya Sri Radhey!

While we're on this theme (and note: without commenting on the first post), quoting from Sri Anantadas Babaji Maharaja's Makaranda-kana commentary on Sri Rupa's Utkalika-vallari:



If the feeble sprouts of love we have acquired are vented out into all directions, we will feel all empty, and our cherished secrets, the driving force behind our inspiration, will fade away. Therefore people tend to be shy in sharing their intimate spiritual experiences, particularly in their respective svarUpas, and will often even just outright deny having any such experiences to avoid the prestige. If ever, such issues are to be discussed in a closed circle of friends, but not in public.

This brings us to a related, interesting question: how much do we disclose in a public forum, and of what nature are those things that we may disclose in the open?

I do not believe it is applauses the sAdhaka is after.

The sAdhaka does, however,
care for the attainment
of his cherished objective
over anything and everything...
and so he cares for related injunctions.

Therefore it so happens, that
he reveals not such dear experiences
even at the risk of being boo-ed
for he cares not for those
who would boo
for their feeble blessing
would add up to little in the end.

I believe the recommendation to not do such
was clearly expressed by the mahAjans;
But of course, that is only for those
who are after the Gaudiya gold.

I feel somewhat sympathetic to Talasiga's remarks here.

I am a little uncomfortable with my translation "pride's wind" because the original does not modify the wind at all. There may be various kinds of wind--"booing" being one.

But the desire to confirm one's personal experiences with sajatiya sanga seems to be a perfectly natural and positive thing. The question is whether a public forum is the place to do that. "nA kohibo jathA tathA" means "not anywhere and everywhere."

Poetry and literature are another thing. I think that certain literary forms permit personal revelation by divorcing them somewhat from the personal. The best poetry universalizes the personal, even though it may have very specific personal elements. Bad poetry is, of course, the failure to achieve this.

In a sense we should be flattered that Gopidust has as much innocent confidence in us as she does. On the other hand, the warning to be careful is one that should not be neglected.

I spoke with one devotee in here and got a realization so here I go, I hope Srila Prabhupada will forgive me if I am wrong.

Anyway when I was in Vrindavan Krishna or Radharani made arrangements so that while touring places of Krishna's pastimes I got very angry at Krishna and only wanted to take shelter of Radharani. At one point I said, "Who wants to see the places of Krishna's pastimes (separate from Radharani and Krishna's pastimes)and at another place I even yelled at the top of my lungs for all to hear how angry I was at Krishna! Somehow I was in a totally different mood than my usual one and the arrangements were made by Krishna I thought at the time. I felt like I was in my eternal rasa as a servant of Radharani and not Krishna directly. And I still feel that way now only now I won't forget it when I leave Vrindavan.

I hope my saying this does not encourage sahajiyaism. But what I feel is so real feeling to me I can't help but talk about it to someone.

Gopidust,

Please drop your Sahajiya fear,
You are one of Radha's gan, my dear.
Be proud. You can thumb your nose
At all who say, "This door is closed."

We want some of your gopi dust,
On this path, gopi dust's a must.
Take sweet refuge in a rasik sage;
for you, Iskcon will prove but a cage.

Dandavats. All glories to the Vaisnavas.

Why the fear of turning into a “sahajiya”? Feeling emotions connected to your eternal relationship with your Svamini shouldn’t be a source of guilt or conflict. Again I think you need to understand what is and, most importantly, what isn't sahajiya.

Speaking about your emotions and letting them show in public may lead you to difficulty with others. Most here are trusting and will not judge you for such expressions but I am afraid that in ISKCON and most Mathas such expressions would not be encouraged.

All in all this should be something that is confidential. Share it with those that are dear to your heart and of course with your Guru so that such sentiments can be properly cultivated. I found Srila Ananta dasa Babaji’s analogy of the stam engine to be very poetic and practical.

The best way for you to understand and cultivate such emotions and longings is with the help of a Guru who can help you understand such feelings correctly and ensure that you are carefully cultivating your aspirations in a correct way.

This is where you will most likely be at a loss in ISKCON. Not that no one in ISKCON may experience such symptoms or be able to guide you in such a respect but due to the climate and mood of the institution it will be extremely hard to find someone willing to do so as it leaves them open to much criticism.

Aspiring to serve the Vaisnavas,
Rasaraja dasa

I am constantly thinking now I am a manjari and will keep this feeling to myself. Noone here knows me and I won't tell anybody I know in person. I don't see why I need to do anything differently than I'm doing already so I'm not in a rush to go find a brijabasi guru. Is Radharani the guru in Vrndavana I seem to remember hearing that somewhere?
As far as gopi gan or whatever not this girl

Gopi gan (gaNa) means a group of gopis. If you're a manjari, you'll have your own gopi-gan, a group of manjaris you spend time with rendering service.

Commenting on the topic of the thread, I should note that factually experiencing svarUpa, as in svarUpAveza, as it's often called, is more than getting a glimpse into the mood; svarUpAveza, absorption in svarUpa during smaraNa, is a state of factual perception of the lIlA, with participation in the services depending on the degree of the purity of the heart and the greed for serivce.

Then why do you want oh so much to share--
to find friends who have tasted Vraja bhav,
a friend perhaps already living there,
who has the very things you'd like to have?

We don't just want to be, we would belong
to a great manjari bouquet, a group
that with one voice in joy sings this one song--
"We serve Radhé as dasi-das of Rup."

I am embarassed my lack of knowledge is showing here. Anyway I can only claim to have gotten a glimpse of something it is true. I wanted to hear what others here have experienced but if you say anything prepare to be embarassed as I have been.

There is no shame if you have come to learn.
But know: each verse I quote, in ev'ry line,
are tears I had to pay out just to earn
the right to say: These holy words are mine!

Dandavats,

Well I had a experience in awe and reverence, some sort of kundalini thing, I think. At the time I was into monism, Ramana Maharshi, UG Krishnamurti, etc. I have told a few people, it is sorta hard not to want to share. At the same time people will think you're crazy, so best only to tell close friends. As I read earlier, keep it in your heart.

The main thing is I find out the personal side of the Lord is much kinder than the
impersonal ''light,'' losing ego, etc. I believe in SB. It mentions the passive awe
and reverence state is turya, and the more advanced rasa where this is exchange
of love between the jiva and Krishna is turyatitah..... So anyways, I thank Krishna
for bringing me out of Mayavadi. That was just too dry and boring that impersonalism. I guess its ok I shared that here since we are all devotees, for the most part I think I will keep it quiet and hidden in my heart from here on out......

HARE KRISHNA !

pranam to all.
I can't find the referance just now but somewhere in a foot note of the Gita press Bhagavat Puran there is a quote to the effect that "A virtue uttered is avirtue lost". When I find the sanskrt I'll post it.

That's an interesting way to look at Radha-dasyam, as a counter-movement for those frustrated with God and bored with the void

-----

Wow had thought of being angry with Radha, also had thought of being angry with Krishna... but never thought of it in this way ever! Very interesting!

Ok I can explain what happened to me better now. I was in Vrndavana and the rest of the devotees were of course happy seeing Krishna's places of pastimes but I did not. I was in anxiety to see Radharani's. But Krishna put me in HIS place of pastimes. So I HATED Krishna. I'm sorry but I did. I yelled out loud how angry I was at Krishna for keeping me in His places of pastimes and keeping me from going to Radharani's place and I started to cry. I acted worse than this but if I say exactly what I did after this and someone was there they might remember me by what I did and figure out who I am but it was bad. But I did not consciously do it. I was in 100% total anxiety to see the places of Radharani's pastimes and that was all I wanted to do.

Had you understood Krishna's thoughts of Radha in all those places, you might have taken a different approach. The two go hand in hand, you know.

I LOVE Radharani!

She loves Krishna. Do you love her heart's innermost feelings, considering them as you express your love?

I can understand being angry with Krishna, if you are thinking that He has slighted Radharani in some way by not showing up for a planned meeting, etc. However, let it be superficial anger, because Krishna always loves Radharani, no matter what. Certainly, He will not forsake Her at any time. Krishna is the Lord of the heart of the Lady of your heart, Radha, so how can you stay angry with Him?

Why am I angry at Krishna? Because they made fun of me in Vrndavana that's why when I cried. And it was Krishna's camp that did it. Radharani is my guru and I will do whatever she says in regards to serving Krishna.
There is more to the story but again I don't want to say too much for fear of who I am being discovered.