Surrender to His Swamini - Wisdom of "Hers"

Talasiga's arrival on board Gaudiya Discussions reminded me of another friend with whom I have lost touch.

"Hers" (Peter Valaya) has disappeared from the forum scene. He was a deeply suffering soul, but one with a great deal of insight into bhakti. If anyone should be able to find him, it's me, but I confess I haven't looked.

He was often suicidal. His body was racked with chronic pain from a motorcycle accident. On top of that, he was an ex-career soldier who could be a real son-of-a-bitch. This was the alter-ego that came out as "Kali Yuga," and which alienated him from everyone.

The last time I spoke to him, he had decided to give up on Radha (!) and go to Jesus, mainly because he felt that Christians understood him better. It is true that his ideas of surrender often sounded Christian, but I just think that he frequented missions for food, shelter and companionship, and the Christians were nicer to him than the devotees, both in the temple and on the internet.

He was very needy emotionally, and would phone people, but always complained that no one phoned him. I always encouraged him to write, to collect his thoughts and put them in one place, but he was addicted to the responses on the Internet. Alas, he could not stand that everyone was ignoring his great insight into Radha, or worse, that they mocked him for it.

They said that he had no right to insight, because he was not initiated, because his ideas were not orthodox, etc., etc. But no one was more obsessed, even possessed, by the thought of Radha. He had absolutely no hope and suffered constantly. His only hope was Radha, and that gave him pain. His body was useless for service due to its infirmity and he often said that his only hope was that he might take birth in his next life in a family of devotees, which might make him suitable for service.

Anyway, to encourage him, I collected a lot of his better Istagosthi texts and I will edit them and post them here.

It's a little inconsistent to be great poetry, but there is good, intense feeling.

(Oct, 2002)

He was a truly interesting individual. No matter whether posting anonymously or with a dozen different nicks, I could always recognize his posts, since he never failed to italicize the word personally.

That is beautiful!

He's an insightful writer.

Oh Golly..... that quote thing again!

You're a senior member, now, so how can we not forgive you the occasional lapse, Betal Nutji? I am glad you are enjoying Valaya's writings. I think he is simple and straightforward and goes straight to the goal of what bhakti means as sharanagati. He found me and my friends on the old Raganuga site to be a little too intellectual for him. He hated hearing Sanskrit (we didn't always get along, as for me Sanskrit is almost one and the same as Radha-Krishna, they don't exist separately) and would always admonish me to speak plainly and not to get caught up in esoteric ideas.

So with that encouragement, I will post more. I haven't really tried to put them in any order, not even temporal. Nor have I really done any editing to speak of.

Blind faith is never prescribed. Gurudeva certainly is worshipable even more so than God, since that's what Krishna wants. However, the highest worship is love and that means not necessarily forgiveness, but a more human kind of "empathy" in our relationship with him.

Like any vital personal relationship, constant growth and maturity ideally takes place. That would apply to all aspects of both the guru and disciple as they become one in the internal potency, transcendentally connecting with the spiritual world.

Goloka Vrindavan has been presented to us in the most personal way as Sri Guru, for that specific purpose. To only relate with him in awe and reverential worship misses the real essence of devotion. Vaidhi can only go so far, though it's practitioners often refuse to recognize their limitations, thereby remaining stuck in speculative misconceptions like a car spinning its wheels.

A whole different vision of His Divine Grace is needed, not sacrificing anything but supplementing it with intimacy so that it eventually absorbs everything into itself. When the heart cries out to the point where nothing else will do, She will reveal Herself. Those still able to apparently have their cake and eat it too by maintaining certain attachments are just looking for more cake.

That's not the way it works. Too much unrevealed transcendental knowledge without sufficient faith causes problems, but a particular type of faith is what's wanted. That, too, must be revealed by His Divine Grace. In the end, we get what we truly want, don't we? (Nov. 2, 2002)

Radha, Krishna and all the acharyas will never give up on us, even if it may seem like it sometimes. The personal bond has been renewed and it cannot be broken by anything or anyone.

That's why we needn't sweat the small stuff or concern ourselves too much with “technicalities,” etc. This can be a brutal path, as it requires absolute humility along with total tolerance. One day we're criticizing another, the next we end up seeing the same or worse in ourselves. It ain't easy for any of us!

What's going on down in the trenches between the common foot-soldiers is every bit as important as high level this-and-that between “advanced” devotees. In fact, I believe it is even more important to Srimati Radharani, our common Mother whom we are all actually part-and-parcel of. How the children are getting along, alone and together, is Her concern. The others are serving Her, the root, with their love and compassion, not we, the leaves and flowers. She is the Heart of Krishna and He is saturated in Her love.

These are the topics we should dwell on, alone and together, if at all possible. There is no need to concern ourselves with personal salvation; it's already assured! (2-10-2002)

QUOTE

Krishna made BG an “open secret” and therefore not a secret. He too opposed secrecy. His raja-vidya is for all regardless of caste, creed, colour or gender.

...and Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu in the ecstasy of Mahabhava Srimati Radharani has plundered the treasure house and is freely distributing the very highest to the absolute least among us, without consideration of qualification or disqualification.
Beware of “priests” who try to convince you of your need for their “protection” and guidance. They are not in control of anyone's personal relationship with the Supreme (including Sri Guru), though many believe that they are. Let your inner faith be greater than theirs' by depending solely and wholly on God's Loving Grace.

Technical processes have unlimited pitfalls, but the personal path, followed with the simple trusting heart of a child, has very few. When it comes to pure Bhakti, intellectualization just won't do. My God, even the word itself is intimidating! (1-25-01)

And finally, here's one that I wrote to his detractors when an entire thread was started just to put him down.

Dear Friends,

I am rather amazed at this kind of topic.

First of all I would like to say that Peter is not a mean-spirited person at all, but that he gets deeply affected by postings that show a total incomprehension or sympathy for his attachment to Radha.

He has never claimed to be anything other than a most-fallen soul; I have never seen him make any claims to the contrary. Nevertheless, his insight into Radha tattva is very profound and many of you would do well to stop mocking him and start listening.

The distaste for Radha katha is not a sign of a Gaudiya Vaishnava. All this aggressive resistance to hearing about Radha is quite painful. If you don't feel like discussing Radha with Peter, then you are best to keep silent. If he is fallen, then surely he will be delivered by his attachment for Radha, even if it takes lifetimes. If being fallen were an obstacle to engaging in devotion, we are none of us qualified for any part of it.

Indeed, if there is anyone we can take shelter of, it is Radharani, who is Devotion personified. Krishna does not give himself easily, but gives himself to his devotee. His supreme devotee, the origin of all devotion, is Radha. She is his mercy personified. Those who talk of devotion to Krishna without Radharani are bereft of any true feeling for Krishna.

You may talk philosophy or siddhanta or shastra for many births, but if you miss the point that Radha is the ashraya vigraha, then what was it worth? You may follow the regulative principles without ever humbling yourself to the mercy that flows through Radha, and what was gained?

If I were a betting man and had to wager which of you many pretenders to devotion would attain Radharani's lotus feet first--between all you initiated, vociferous protestors or Peter--I have no doubt about whom I would back.

Peter has weaknesses, but I do not believe him to be malicious. His major weakness on these forums is that he gets entangled in reactionary debates with others and lets them get his goat. Then things escalate. But even there, he is often right in his perception; it is simply his approach, his tactics or his language that are at fault, not his heart. As I said the other day, a little deliberate exercise of wisdom on his part, which I am sure he is capable of, would help him transcend these petty squabbles.

No one has a license to be less than gentlemanly and I am sure Radharani wants us to be exemplary, loving human beings and not fanatic bigots in her name. If she is the goddess of love, then let's be lovers, not fighters. But a Gaudiya Vaishnava who has a distaste for Radha katha, or who blasphemes the speaker of Radha katha, is a pretender, no matter how much he waves the flag of Srila Prabhupada, or how chaste he claims to be.

Radha is not chaste: she abandons her husband to be with Krishna. Let's try to understand what her example means. Our entire sampradaya is about Radha and Radha alone. Mahaprabhu is Krishna acknowledging Radha's superiority. That is the essence. Anyone who goes straight to the essence without passing through Vedanta or the Gita is still rightly situated. That is the meaning of sarva-dharman parityajya.

Jagat (Sept. 16, 2002)

my need to dispatch this comparison is fulfilled in this other topic

It is striking how injustice can evoke such poetic sensibility, Jagat.
Some of your sweetest writing arises in your defense
of Peter's right to rejoice about Radha.

Jay Chitra Sakhi

Go directly for relationship, but not with Krsna [establisher of religious principles], but with Radharani [source of His Divine Grace].

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Faith is highly subjective and the experiences that cause it are deeply personal.

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